"The master of the mind is the master of life" ~The Art of Being and Becoming, Hazrat Inayat Khan
This quote has forever changed my life and left a lasting impression, renewing my mindset and soul.
I was once trapped in a constant state of depression, anxiety and grief; I remember attempting to take my own life. I didn't know how to value myself or the gifts I was so richly graced with. In 2001 I was involuntarily detained on a 51/50 (a 72 hour involuntary psychiatric hold) and admitted to an acute psychiatric hospital for mental health services. Could my life have been that bad? Was there truly nothing to live for? I could go on and on and, providing tens of reasons why taking my own life felt better than facing whatever I was going through at the time. But in actuality, it all came down to the condition of my mind.
Is our state of mind a learned behavior, based on the conditions in which we are raised, or are we born with a certain state of mind? This question has been pondered by many mystics, doctors and scientists throughout the centuries. The mind (or condition thereof) is one of the most complex studies of our time and still eludes doctors and the like to this day. Authors Jerry and Esther Hicks discuss in their book, Money and the Law of Attraction, how we were born knowing who we are, powerful beings who are good. We are born knowing we are the creator of our own experiences and that the Law of Attraction (that which is like unto itself, is drawn) is the basis of the universe and would serve us well. In that instance one can gather that we are not born into a burdened or depressive state of mind; it is our environment and life experiences that cause us to lose sight of who we truly are; beings who made the decision to become focused in this physical body in this time-space reality.
Over the years, after the 2001 incident, I went in and out of depressive states. Experiencing loss, devastation, abandonment, emotional instability and more abuse. Continuing to make the same mistakes that would cause me to spiral back down, or even worse ones. I have always been the type of person to figure out my own path in life and learn through my mistakes; not always taking heed from others, not always learning from the words of the wise. As they say, a hard head makes a soft ass! Don't get me wrong, I have experienced much joy, love and pleasure, but those moments were fleeting as I would soon find a way to recoil back into my negative self talk and self destructive behavior.
In 2015 I went out on a leave of absence from my cushy corporate America job of over 6 years. In the beginning of my leave I felt free and hopeful again. However, after a while I began to worry about what I was going to do next...would I have to go back to a place that I no longer felt served me or provided me with quality of life? A place I drove to each morning, holding back tears and fear, worry and self-doubt? I felt like I was going to slip back into the life I felt I had grown so far away from, full of poor choices and depression. I started praying more and more and researching ways to meditate and relieve myself of the stress and anxiety I was feeling. I came across a book I began reading in the winter of 2014, The Art of Being and Becoming. As I flipped through the pages, I began to realize this book is where I would once again find my strength. The introduction reminded me of the God within...that to find God I must first find myself. This is where my path began to change. Every day I would turn to the book for the enlightenment and inspiration it held. "Man is the created creator and the creating creature" Ibn al'Arabi, Sufi metaphysician. I started becoming clearer in my choices, more creative and at peace with myself and others. I felt changes within me, my light shinning brighter and others began to see my changes too. Doors were opening left and right. Money was flowing to me like never before. I began to understand that my mind was much more powerful than I previously understood. "Every thought that you think is vibrating at a very personal frequency . . . and by the powerful Law of Attraction (the essence of that which is like unto itself, is drawn), that thought is now attracting another thought that is its Vibrational Match. And now, those combined thoughts are vibrating at a frequency that is higher than the thought that came before; and they will now, by the Law of Attraction, attract another and another and another, until eventually the thoughts will be powerful enough to attract a “real life” situation or manifestation. (Money and the Law of Attraction. 3/31/09). I was in fact manifesting the life I desired, right before my very own eyes.
I continue to peruse my spiritual path and purpose; that's what feels good to me, a feeling that lies in my soul. This is a feeling in my gut that won't go away and I continue to strive for, no matter what. That's not to say that life will be void of experiences that bring times of sadness and stresses; times where we feel void of hope and motivation. That's when it's most important, during those times, to remember not to be too hard on ourselves. To take it one day at a time...or even one moment at a time if that is what we need; take a step back and find our ground - mine is my purpose, to be an inspiration to others and a transformational speaker, sharing my message because my journey is not for me, my journey and message are for the world. I will continue to move forward, developing who I knew I was before I came into this physical world.
Life will continue to bear down on us at times, as it's not always easy to accomplish all of our day-to-day duties, to answer the demands of life, and yet keep our mind in perfect harmony. However, push through, clearing your mind of all the external influences. Remember, no matter what the appearances are, God is all there is.
I leave you with this last thought, "Throw away inharmony by the power of harmony and wash away all that lacks beauty by preserving the great power of beauty within oneself" ~The Art of Being and Becoming, Hazrat Inayat Khan.